View Full Version : HOW-TO: Coconut cake

Pr3mium Brewed
09-28-2020, 11:34 PM
I figured since everyone sold or crashed their SRT-4s I'd post a how-to we can all use.

Pr3m's coconut cake.

You will need:

The Cake
2 3/4 cups all purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 3/4 cups sugar
1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter, room temperature
1 cup canned sweetened cream of coconut (CREAM not MILK. if you use coconut milk your cake will be runnier than brandon's ass after he took that detox stuff)
4 large eggs, separated (crack the egg and hold it over a bowl, let the contents fall into your cupped hand and let the white run between your fingers into the bowl. Put the yolk in a seperate bowl)
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 cup buttermilk
Pinch of salt

The Frosting
2 8-ounce packages Philadelphia brand cream cheese, room temperature
1/2 cup (1 stick) butter, room temperature
2 cups powdered (sometimes labeled confectioner, retards) sugar
1/2 cup canned sweetened cream of coconut
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 Package sweetened shaved coconut
1 Can compressed decorating icing
1 Small Tonka/hotwheels commerce related or luxury car.
1 Masonry chisel
1 Reboundless mallet
1 Bottle nail polish remover
1 Lighter


1. Preheat oven to 350°F.
2. Butter and flour two 9-inch-diameter cake pans with 2-inch-high sides.
3. Put flour, baking powder, baking soda and 1/2 teaspoon salt in medium bowl and whisk until mixed.

4. Use an electric mixer to beat sugar, butter and sweetened cream of coconut in large bowl until smooth.
5. Add egg yolks and vanilla extract and blend.
6. On low speed, gradually blend in the dry ingredients and then buttermilk until smooth.

7. Clean and dry mixer or use a whisk to beat the egg whites and a pinch of salt until "stiff." Whites are "stiff" when they no longer look like egg whites and instead look like spittle or a clump of soap bubbles. Take the whites and fold into batter with a spatula until mixed.
8. Divide cake batter between prepared pans.
Bake cakes until tester inserted into center comes out clean, about 45 minutes.
Take cakes out of oven to cool 10 minutes. Run a small sharp knife around pan sides to loosen cakes then turn out onto plates to cool completely. I'm impatient so I put them in the fridge.

While I was waiting for them to cool I got to work on preparing the frosting and decoration.

The Frosting
Put butter, sugar, cream of coconut, cream cheese and vanilla extract into bowl and beat until thoroughly mixed. Done. Makes about 3 1/2 cups.

Then I got to work on the decoration.

Take your car, chisel and mallet out to a hard surface and use the mallet and chisel to break the car.

Pour nail polish remover (substitutions are acceptable) over car and use your lighter to set it on fire.
Let it burn until you're satisfied with the level of damage or like me you get tired of breathing in the toxic fumes produced by burning plastic and acetone.

Extinguish and let cool. Rinse with cool water to wash off soot from parts of truck which will contact the cake.

Take one cake and place on a large flat plate or cookie tray. Cover evenly with frosting.
Dust bottom cake with coconut shavings and place second cake on top of the first cake. Cover entire cake with remaining frosting and dust with shavings.

Now all that's left is to get the truck and the can of icing and finish up!



Bon appetit, faggots.

Pr3mium Brewed
09-28-2020, 11:39 PM
Although personally this one is still my favorite-


09-29-2020, 12:26 AM
lmao... wow

09-29-2020, 05:05 AM
hahahahahahahaha holy shit!

09-29-2020, 08:53 AM
My sister made this one for last Halloween.

09-29-2020, 10:14 AM
:ooroll: Tampon cake FTW

09-29-2020, 10:32 AM
:lulz: :lulz: :lulz:

09-29-2020, 11:22 AM

09-29-2020, 01:39 PM

09-29-2020, 02:19 PM
Love it. Love it. If I follow the instructions just right, will mine turn out lopsided too?

09-29-2020, 04:25 PM
~yawn~ I'll leave the baking for the woman!

09-29-2020, 05:58 PM
I take offense. I still have my SRT. :D

09-30-2020, 12:53 AM
best how to ever!

09-30-2020, 10:42 AM
nice 1950's stove?

Pr3mium Brewed
09-30-2020, 10:54 AM
Love it. Love it. If I follow the instructions just right, will mine turn out lopsided too?
Possibly, but I won't make any promises.

and the oven was installed in 87. :henry:

Plan B
04-03-2020, 01:57 PM
:lol: Definately not what I was expecting when i opened the thread.....which is a relief

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